Today is my 19th day without drinking. I don’t want to make a huge deal out of it, because it isn’t a huge deal. Anybody could just not do anything, if they wanted. I find it less challenging if I just accept it as my new way of life. But this week was somewhat challenging and hit me like a brick wall when I was least expecting it.
The week of July 4th is when the booze flows. Everyone drinks to celebrate, and unfortunately July 4th fell on a Tuesday this year, so the partying seemed extremely long to an outsider. Saturday night I felt really lonely for not drinking. It almost felt like I was being a burden on the other people around me who did want to drink. To be honest, I was tired and hadn’t been home since Friday morning, and thought that it would be okay to go home. I was also emotionally drained from other things, mostly my mind and adjusting. It can be mentally exhausting when you are trying to navigate your way through a new lifestyle and not to mention the fact that I have been off birth control for 2 months, I just feel like I am just starting to level off.
I realize that I’m not just effecting myself by quitting drinking. This is also making an impact on the people around me, especially the people that do like to drink. I don’t flat out say to people “I don’t drink” because I know that it makes them uncomfortable, nobody wants to have to reflect on their own drinking, or think that I wouldn’t be any fun to hangout with. I have to be selfless in the fact that I am going to be around people who don’t want to deal with people who are trying “to get sober.”
I got really depressed this past week. I don’t know if it’s because my body is detoxing or if it’s because my body is still adjusting from being off birth control. I went to see my psychiatrist and we agreed that I should take a couple weeks to get better and then see how I feel. Years of binge drinking can take a toll on your body, especially your mind. I was not doing myself any favors by binge drinking every weekend for 6 years while I was on medication that I was explicitly told not to drink on.
It has been an emotional rollercoaster. I will admit that most days are easy, but it’s those days that I really reflect on myself, my life, and my surroundings without alcohol. Its difficult and it can feel lonely when everyone else is drinking and you’re not. I don’t feel any weaknesses in my personality, if anything I think I am more comfortable talking to and getting to know new people when I’m not drinking. It’s truly comforting to know that I am naturally funny, it had nothing to do with me being fucked up before. There is no past me that I am losing, I am only gaining.
I truly enjoy sobriety and I should not let those few hours deter me or make me unenthusiastic about my new lifestyle. We went to an Ed Sheeran concert on Friday, we got to be in a suite for my husband’s job, and we hung out with new people and I didn’t drink, I had great conversations and I thoroughly enjoyed the concert. Ed Sheeran was AMAZING. This weekend we are going to Milwaukee to see Big Sean, Migos, and Future for Summer Fest. Big Sean is my favorite. I am so lucky to get to experience my favorite music with the person that I love. I will enjoy it, even if we will be in the beer capitol of the world. I don’t miss being hung over. I like having a clear mind and being in control of my emotions. I am better off physically, emotionally, and financially. Praise God.
I signed up for my first marathon! I will be running the IMT Des Moines Marathon on October 15th. I thought “Fuck it, I need to do this.” I did my first half marathon on June 4th, 2016. It was challenging but I didn’t train. Thankfully I downloaded the app Aaptiv on my phone. I saw the commercials on YouTube and didn’t think anything of it, but then they advertised that they had coaches for running within the App. I will admit that I was very skeptical at first, hit play on the intense interval workout, listened for a while and then realized that it really is motivating and their music playlist is AMAZING. Yesterday I did the Compassion Meditation Walk and I thought it was really relaxing; it was a half an hour long and the coach talked you through relaxing. It’s been deathly hot in the midwest so it could have been a more relaxing experience, but it’s nice to get out there with your dogs and I liked the commentary that Aaptiv provided. They also have a Marathon training program and I am so excited to try it. They got me, I will be paying $9.99 a month for the rest of my life.
I am a HUGE fan of JustFab.com. I get all of my shoes from that website and I have been a devout subscriber for almost 3 years now. Somebody told me about the website AdoreMe.com. I like having lingerie but I think it can be pretty expensive. I have been buying my lingerie from Victoria Secret for years. So I decided to take their advice and try AdoreMe.com, because I like lingerie and I like subscriptions. I have never been more so disappointed. I guess I’m spoiled from Victoria Secret, but the legging ripped the moment I tried them on, the corset was cheap and had tacky padding. I will just stick with what I know.
What an eventful week. 🙂 On to the next! I will get better about posting pictures of our adventures. I am hoping that I can get a hike in this weekend somewhere near Milwaukee.